Changing habits is about upgrading the quality of your life.
(Lawrence Wilson, MD, The Center for Development)

Change is a choice. You are choosing to employ a conscious discipline to change an unconscious habit. Pure and simple. However…

Change takes tremendous effort. Let me repeat that. Change is hard work. Don’t be discouraged. It’s just human nature to resist change. Your brain doesn’t like change. Change takes time, energy, a plan and most of all, a willingness to invest in yourself. If the pay-off isn’t worth the effort, then don’t waste your time because you are setting yourself up for frustration, disappointment and most likely, failure.

Change takes an emotional buy-in on your part. So once you’ve identified the habit you want to delete, change or replace ask yourself if you really desire a change. Is your motivation from within or are external factors pressuring you to make a change? Stable, long-term change cannot be externally imposed. You have to want and commit to changing. An unwillingness to change or lying to yourself about what needs to change could sabotage your ability to succeed in changing a specific habit.

Along with a desire to really change, you must believe you can change. That means giving up excuses as to why you can’t change — giving up the idea of being a victim to your habits and behaviors. Intent is everything but it also means adopting a realistic outlook regarding your ability to change specific habits. For example, if you have a hardcore chemical addiction, most likely you will need the help of experts.

Change is a process. While research is still on-going regarding the behavioral and biological underpinnings of change, most would agree that change is a process.

identify / plan / prepare/ practice/ encourage

1. Identify the habit.
2. List the reasons for changing or eliminating the habit. Get a handle on the affects of the intentions, circumstances and consequences for the behavior. This gives meaning to the desired change and ups your commitment factor.
3. Write down your “change” goal. It should be specific, reasonable and attainable. Use positive language — “I want to be healthy” not “I don’t want to be fat.” Writing down your goal gives it “life” and serves as a concrete reminder of what you are trying to accomplish.
4. Create a plan of action to implement your goal. Keep it simple. Obtain all the necessary, applicable information you will need to create your plan. Use your past experience to your advantage by looking at your past attempts to change. What worked, what failed – then applying what you’ve learned. Your plan must be a lifestyle fit, otherwise you are sabotaging your goal. If your goal is regular exercise but past attempts at taking up running have failed because you hate to run and your feet hurt when you do, choose another form of exercise.
5. Anticipate obstacles and prepare.
   • Identify and avoid the cues and environmental context that “trigger” the habit you are trying to change or delete. Triggers often come through our senses. After years of smoking unfiltered cigarettes, my dad used sheer willpower to quit in one day. Unfortunately, he didn’t change the environmental cues that triggered his desire to smoke. Over time, he would have one cigarette with the guys after a business luncheon. That led to a daily mid-day cigarette, which was followed by a daily after-dinner smoke. He eventually was back into a full-blown habit triggered by old food-related cues and context.
   • Identify and avoid people who may sabotage your change. People you associate with can help or hurt your life habits. If you want to quit overspending your budget and save money, stop going to the mall with your spend-aholic girlfriend.
   • Develop substitute routines if necessary. When the urge hits, put a lollipop or piece of gum in your mouth instead of a cigarette. Denial doesn’t work, substitution does.
6. Practice. Practice. Practice results in true change. Change takes time.
   • Over time your brain will imprint the new habit but not without practice.
   • Behavioral changes happen in steps and stages. Each of us progress differently so don’t compare yourself to others.
   • Conventional wisdom says that it takes 21 days to change a habit. In doing a bit of research on this subject, I couldn’t find any conclusive, research-based evidence for this time frame. How long it takes depends on how “right” and “natural” if feels to you, coupled with commitment, a goal, a plan and practice.
7. Commit. Believe. Support. Reward yourself
   • Believe in yourself and imagine success. Talk to yourself – encourage success, assess progress, avoid triggers. Don’t let perfection be your enemy. Recognize your successes, no matter how small, on the road to change.
   • Surround yourself with positive social support; people who will provide additional encouragement and accountability.

In my August newsletter (published August 1^st), I will cover backsliding (reverting back to an old habit) and sustaining motivation to maintain change. I will also include an interesting web article on The Stages of Change Model that discusses change in further detail. So sign up for my newsletter if you haven’t already done so!

My August blog (posted every Monday) will look at risk.

Self-awareness is the first step to determining whether your habits help or hinder you. You may already be very clear on which habit is defeating you and needs to be deleted or replaced. Or you may be clueless as to which habit keeps you from getting/living what you want/need.

Big habits, good or bad, are fairly obvious and easy to identify. These habits are so big, they’re literally staring you in the face. Example: paying your bills on time or eating a steady diet of fast food. (Note: addictions that require professional help, such as alcohol or drugs, are not addressed in this blog.)

Suble habits are not so obvious to you, yet they, too, can exert a significant impact on your life. Example: making today’s to-do list manageable and realistic enough that it actually can be accomplished in the same day. You may even have habits that your friends, family or colleagues may notice but that you do not. Example: slipping off to the restroom when it comes time to figure out the restaurant check.

It may be more difficult to identify your more subtle habits. One approach is to start with an area in your life that is working, and one that isn’t working right now. What exactly is working? What exactly is not working? What thought and activity patterns do you bring to both situations? Are there any similarities? If so, why does it work in one case and not the other? Or are you on auto-pilot and apply the same habits to all aspects of your life, whether appropriate or not? As Dr. Phil of television fame is so fond of saying, “How is that working for you?”

Or you can examine a specific belief about yourself that guides your thinking. How was that habit of thinking about yourself formed? How does it play out in your day? Does this belief need to be challenged, and deleted or replaced? Example: if you believe that you aren’t very good at sports, how and why was that belief formed? Does this belief keep you from joining the softball team at work even though you’d welcome the social interaction?

A word about simplicity. It would be an enormous task to identify and catalog your every habit. Focus on one habit that is interfering rather than helping. Trying to change more than one habit at a time is setting yourself up for failure. Remember, it takes great effort to delete or replace a habit. Self-awareness is the first step.

Next Monday, I’ll write about changing habits.

Change. The dictionary defines change as: cause to be different, alter, transform; exchange for or be replaced by another; interchange; lay aside, abandon, leave for another, switch; to give or receive the equivalent of.

Depending upon your frame of reference, change can be a good thing or a bad thing. The above definitions may exhilarate or devastate you. The reality is, like it or not, we all experience change. It can be internally motivated — such as a desire to quit smoking — or externally motivated — you lost your job and now have to look for a new one.

Too much change can upset the apple cart so many times, you feel like you are standing on quickstand. However, undergoing change can also make you resilient to future change, whether that change is wanted or unwanted. In either case, change doesn’t always come easy.

Given a choice, most people prefer to stay in their comfort zone rather than actively choose or seek out change. It gives them a (false) sense of being in control; knowing what to expect; how to react. When asked, most will say they avoid change because of fear: fear of the unknown, fear of failure, even fear of loss of personal identity.

Rockin’ the boat. Fear of the unknown means fear of stepping out of your comfort zone into unchartered waters. Visualize a small dinghy anchored quietly in a sheltered, calm cove of a lake. You know what the boat looks like; you know how it will react to the occasional, mild wind or water disturbances; you know how it will sway when you step into it; and you know that you can deeply relax in its hull because that boat is anchored, its sail is down and it never goes anywhere. You have absolutely no idea how that boat will sail once it hits the center of the lake, and you have no intention of finding out. Your boat scenario works while it works, and it may work for a lifetime. But you will never know what that boat is capable of, or what treasures you may discover, because you are afraid of changing course and heading out to unchartered waters.

Fear of failure means fear of sailing out into the middle of the lake because you think you lack the necessary sailing skills to keep your boat afloat in the waves, big or small. You are very successful, thank you, in keeping your boat upright, steady and adrift in the waters of the shoreline. In reality, until you experience the conditions to try out and hone your deep water skills, you will most likely never keep your boat upright in anything but calm, shallow waters.

Fear of loss of personal identity means taking on or losing a role that changes others’ perceptions about you, and may even change your own sense of identity. Are you a shore-hugger or sailor? What does that mean if you decide to become a sailor? Are you going to become a devil-may-care adventurer or will you return to port after a good day on the lake?

Understanding change. For simplicity’s sake, this blog will focus on “chosen” change — in this case, your desire to delete an old habit or create a new one.

It’s helpful to start with the biological basis for change. The brain hardwires your perceptions, expectations, habits, so forth, in order for you to go about your day doing what you need to do without thinking much about it. Imagine having to think through your entire morning ritual before you leave for work, or figuring out how to ride a bike each time you decide to use it, or remembering how to dial a number on your cell phone before you call a friend.

According to research done by Ann Graybiel of McGovern Institute at MIT, a habit is a task or way of thinking that has been biologically stamped into our brain. The brain breaks a task down into its parts, which are then stored away for future reference. However, in order to perform the task these parts must be connected. To do so, the brain forms a string of neurons, or neural pathway, between them. When you repeatedly practice this task, additional neurons that are close by are also called into action and as a result the pathway enlarges. As the pathway strengthens, the “borrowed” neurons return to their original state. The more you engage in this task, it becomes ingrained to the point where you no longer have to consciously think about it in order to do it. Hence, a habit has become encoded in the cortex or hardwired in your brain.

Hardwiring explains why “practice makes perfect.” It also explains why it’s so difficult to dump a habit. There is also an emotional or behavioral aspect to change, but more on that in another blog.

Next Monday, I’ll write about identifying the not-so-obvious habits that are hurting rather than helping you.

(Information in this blog was enriched by a post “The New Science of the 21st Century Professional Coaching” from the Behavioral Coaching Institute.)

Have you ever given much thought to your habits — the thoughts and actions that form the framework of your day and the decisions for your future? The dictionary defines a “habit” as a constant, often unconscious inclination to perform some act, acquired through its frequent repetition; an established trend of mind or character; an addiction.

Habits start in your mind and get played out in your actions. They are learned ways of thinking and doing things that become automatic and reflexive — having become ingrained from years of practice — humming along in the background, like the operating system for your computer, so you do not have to consciously control every aspect of your day.

Habits are powerful, having the influence to shape your personal relationships, your work-related actions, your health. Unfortunately, some habits can spill over into areas of your life that you never intended them to enter.

Habits can be helpful. For example, we all have morning routines that jump start us emotionally, physically and mentally to prepare us for the day ahead. If during the week, you had to think of everything you did before you did it, it would take a good part of the morning just to roll out of bed, get ready, eat breakfast, head out the door and find your way to work.

Habits can also be harmful. Thoughtlessly popping another brownie into your mouth when you suffer from border-line diabetes will end up doing more long-term harm to your body than the short-term pleasure it brings.

Long-term, effective habits — those that get you what you need/want — can be a positive influence. However, if old or similar habits or patterns are no longer efficient or even harmful, you may still try to use them because they are familiar, or you are not even aware of their influence. That’s because habits actually become hard-wired in our brains, which is why it takes not only time to create a habit, but also to break or replace one.

In next Monday’s blog, I will write about understanding change.