We all have needs. They are normal and natural. The trouble comes when we do not acknowledge those needs. Further confusion arises when we are unable to distinguish between a bona fide need and a want/desire.

So what’s the difference? There is no easy, quick answer since wants often disguise themselves as needs. It take a willingness to be honest and soul-searching about this. Here’s a quick checklist.

Needs:

• Are essential to our well-being.
• We feel an intense attraction towards.
• We experience a feeling of relief when filled.

Wants:

• Are unessential to our well-being.
• We feel an intense attraction towards.
• We often do not feel relief when filled or relief for only a short time and then we desire something else.

Here are some examples.

Needs for security – safety, protection, stability, information, clarity, honesty, commitment to meet obligations, financial security, authority.

Needs for intimacy/relationship/connection – be listened to, needed, loved, touched, helped, included, cherished, appreciated, connected to a group, to collaborate and communicate, be connected to something greater than self.

Needs for achievement/attainment – to create, accomplish, strive for, perform, have peace, attain calmness, be busy, be responsible, be perfect, be spiritual.

Wants – usually newer, bigger, better (you fill in the blank-often a material thing including money, possessions, etc)

How do you recognize an unmet need?

• Track your emotions. When you discover patterns of “downer” emotions, you might be on the trail of a need.
• If a need is unmet – often feel frustrated, fearful, disappointed, hurt angry.
• If a need is met – feel pleased, excited, challenged, relieved. Needs are pegged to the core of who we are.

Try writing down your top ten needs. Then narrow it down to your top five.

Next blog – meeting your needs.