A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

How many times has someone come up with an idea or even a name for something and I’ve said to myself ~ “wish I had thought of that,  it seems so obvious or right.”  The thing is, it wasn’t obvious or right to me before that moment because I was thinking within my own spectrum of possibilities.  Rather than allowing my mind to explore, I was ready to jump to conclusions that worked before or weren’t that far out of my habitual thinking.

As an artist, I am forever challenged by creating new images using the same medium.  It’s amazing to me how many permutations I can come up with in size, shape, color and form when I have kept my mind open to fresh ideas.  These ideas might not even have anything to do with the project at hand but they have been percolating and turning around in my mind ~ a photograph, a quote, a song, a page from a magazine.  The source isn’t important.  What’s important is my being open to the free flow of possibilities.

This is true in everything we do.  Thinking outside our proverbial little boxes opens us up to new ways of seeing and new ways of creating.  It expands our world, and in turn, expands our relationships, our work, our zest for life.

What words do you use to define yourself? Have you ever given it much thought? Do you unthinkingly accept and buy into the assessments and expectation other people have pinned on you? What we believe about ourselves affects our actions and our actions impact the direction and quality of our lives. Let me give you an example.

As a country, we are knee deep in a recession. The government’s solution is to get us to open up our pocket books and spend more money. So they are proposing to give us money to spend it on services and things, but primarily on things. They reason that we are a nation of consumers for and about consuming, and that ramping up our spending will solve our economic woes.

I’m not an economist and this blog post is not about solving the nation’s financial crisis. I am, however, asking you so stick with me on this analogy as we look more closely at how accepting generalizations about ourselves can be a waste of our potential and even harmful.

“We Americans are so used to being referred to as ‘consumers’ that we comfortably fall into that role and do so conspicuously,” wrote reader Tom Krohn in his recent email to columnist Michelle Singletary of The Fresno Bee. His point was that it’s not just our spending habits that need to change but how we define ourselves as a nation that needs adjusting. We have gotten so used to thinking of ourselves as consumers, that we nod in mass agreement when the government says what we need to solve this economic crisis is more consuming.

As Singletary points out in her newspaper column, “According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, consume means to do away with completely; destroy; to spend wastefully; squander.” Oops! What Krohn is saying is that maybe we need to think outside the box about our values and our focus in order to open up greater possibilities to re-energizing and re-developing our economy.

And that is my point to you. The definition of who you are will overtly and even covertly direct your behavior. So do you live by who you truly are, or are you held captive by someone else’s definition of you? Are you boxed in or do you have room to grow and flourish? Have you ever even given it much thought? Introspection and self-awareness are good things, and there is no better time than the freshness of the new year to turn the looking glass on yourself.

So take a moment to write down a minimum of ten words that you would use to describe who you are. Re-read and assess how truthful you were about yourself. Do you like what you read? Does anything need to be enhanced, changed or just completely deleted? If you are perfectly satisfied, then I ask you to be deeply honest with yourself. Humans are like sharks, if we don’t keep moving and growing, we die. I am not suggesting that you be highly critical and smash your self-esteem. I am just asking you to remain open and aware to what new personal growth and opportunities may lie ahead

My February newsletter will complete this topic (for now) on rethinking, renewing and refreshing.  Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter if you haven’t already done so.  Happy New Year!

(Note: Michelle Singletary’s column, We’re Defined by the Way We Shop, appeared in the January 4, 2009 issue of The Fresno Bee newspaper.)

I love a fresh snowfall. It covers a multitude of ugliness and bareness in a beautiful mantel of fresh white. Even the process of snow falling is beautiful and serene as the white flakes blank out the sky and drift silently down from heaven. It becomes all about the snow, and once this exquisite gift has been delivered, the clouds recede to reveal a blazing sun shining in a brilliant blue sky while the land rests in protected peace. Have you ever noticed how quickly the birds come out after a snowstorm and sing their delighted songs exclaiming the beauty of the day, the provisions from the sky and the promise of life renewed?

It is fitting that the new year comes in winter, a time when we think of life as dead or dormant. (I realized that some of you may be living in climates where snow is nonexistent at this time of year or ever, but that doesn’t prevent the analogy from applying to you, too.) for some plants, winter is too hard and they die. But if you know anything about plants that thrive in cold climates, they need the dormant time of winter to rest and recharge for the burst of activity in the coming spring. It takes a lot of energy to produce leaves and flowers, and renew the cycle of life.

We, too, need a time of dormancy ~ not complacency nor denial nor regression but a time of reflection, planning and renewal. A time for a physical, spiritual, mental and emotional check-up, tune-up and balancing out.

So while you contemplate what the new year may bring, visualize the covering of snow over your past year. Think about what lies underneath. The failures, disappointments and pain remain, that cannot be changed, but what also lies below the surface of the fresh snow is the beauty, potential, joy and hope of all that is you and your days ahead. You can wallow, wither and die in the history of your past, or you can be dormant for this season as you prepare for the annual renewal of your life.

Changing habits is about upgrading the quality of your life.
(Lawrence Wilson, MD, The Center for Development)

Change is a choice. You are choosing to employ a conscious discipline to change an unconscious habit. Pure and simple. However…

Change takes tremendous effort. Let me repeat that. Change is hard work. Don’t be discouraged. It’s just human nature to resist change. Your brain doesn’t like change. Change takes time, energy, a plan and most of all, a willingness to invest in yourself. If the pay-off isn’t worth the effort, then don’t waste your time because you are setting yourself up for frustration, disappointment and most likely, failure.

Change takes an emotional buy-in on your part. So once you’ve identified the habit you want to delete, change or replace ask yourself if you really desire a change. Is your motivation from within or are external factors pressuring you to make a change? Stable, long-term change cannot be externally imposed. You have to want and commit to changing. An unwillingness to change or lying to yourself about what needs to change could sabotage your ability to succeed in changing a specific habit.

Along with a desire to really change, you must believe you can change. That means giving up excuses as to why you can’t change — giving up the idea of being a victim to your habits and behaviors. Intent is everything but it also means adopting a realistic outlook regarding your ability to change specific habits. For example, if you have a hardcore chemical addiction, most likely you will need the help of experts.

Change is a process. While research is still on-going regarding the behavioral and biological underpinnings of change, most would agree that change is a process.

identify / plan / prepare/ practice/ encourage

1. Identify the habit.
2. List the reasons for changing or eliminating the habit. Get a handle on the affects of the intentions, circumstances and consequences for the behavior. This gives meaning to the desired change and ups your commitment factor.
3. Write down your “change” goal. It should be specific, reasonable and attainable. Use positive language — “I want to be healthy” not “I don’t want to be fat.” Writing down your goal gives it “life” and serves as a concrete reminder of what you are trying to accomplish.
4. Create a plan of action to implement your goal. Keep it simple. Obtain all the necessary, applicable information you will need to create your plan. Use your past experience to your advantage by looking at your past attempts to change. What worked, what failed – then applying what you’ve learned. Your plan must be a lifestyle fit, otherwise you are sabotaging your goal. If your goal is regular exercise but past attempts at taking up running have failed because you hate to run and your feet hurt when you do, choose another form of exercise.
5. Anticipate obstacles and prepare.
   • Identify and avoid the cues and environmental context that “trigger” the habit you are trying to change or delete. Triggers often come through our senses. After years of smoking unfiltered cigarettes, my dad used sheer willpower to quit in one day. Unfortunately, he didn’t change the environmental cues that triggered his desire to smoke. Over time, he would have one cigarette with the guys after a business luncheon. That led to a daily mid-day cigarette, which was followed by a daily after-dinner smoke. He eventually was back into a full-blown habit triggered by old food-related cues and context.
   • Identify and avoid people who may sabotage your change. People you associate with can help or hurt your life habits. If you want to quit overspending your budget and save money, stop going to the mall with your spend-aholic girlfriend.
   • Develop substitute routines if necessary. When the urge hits, put a lollipop or piece of gum in your mouth instead of a cigarette. Denial doesn’t work, substitution does.
6. Practice. Practice. Practice results in true change. Change takes time.
   • Over time your brain will imprint the new habit but not without practice.
   • Behavioral changes happen in steps and stages. Each of us progress differently so don’t compare yourself to others.
   • Conventional wisdom says that it takes 21 days to change a habit. In doing a bit of research on this subject, I couldn’t find any conclusive, research-based evidence for this time frame. How long it takes depends on how “right” and “natural” if feels to you, coupled with commitment, a goal, a plan and practice.
7. Commit. Believe. Support. Reward yourself
   • Believe in yourself and imagine success. Talk to yourself – encourage success, assess progress, avoid triggers. Don’t let perfection be your enemy. Recognize your successes, no matter how small, on the road to change.
   • Surround yourself with positive social support; people who will provide additional encouragement and accountability.

In my August newsletter (published August 1^st), I will cover backsliding (reverting back to an old habit) and sustaining motivation to maintain change. I will also include an interesting web article on The Stages of Change Model that discusses change in further detail. So sign up for my newsletter if you haven’t already done so!

My August blog (posted every Monday) will look at risk.

Self-awareness is the first step to determining whether your habits help or hinder you. You may already be very clear on which habit is defeating you and needs to be deleted or replaced. Or you may be clueless as to which habit keeps you from getting/living what you want/need.

Big habits, good or bad, are fairly obvious and easy to identify. These habits are so big, they’re literally staring you in the face. Example: paying your bills on time or eating a steady diet of fast food. (Note: addictions that require professional help, such as alcohol or drugs, are not addressed in this blog.)

Suble habits are not so obvious to you, yet they, too, can exert a significant impact on your life. Example: making today’s to-do list manageable and realistic enough that it actually can be accomplished in the same day. You may even have habits that your friends, family or colleagues may notice but that you do not. Example: slipping off to the restroom when it comes time to figure out the restaurant check.

It may be more difficult to identify your more subtle habits. One approach is to start with an area in your life that is working, and one that isn’t working right now. What exactly is working? What exactly is not working? What thought and activity patterns do you bring to both situations? Are there any similarities? If so, why does it work in one case and not the other? Or are you on auto-pilot and apply the same habits to all aspects of your life, whether appropriate or not? As Dr. Phil of television fame is so fond of saying, “How is that working for you?”

Or you can examine a specific belief about yourself that guides your thinking. How was that habit of thinking about yourself formed? How does it play out in your day? Does this belief need to be challenged, and deleted or replaced? Example: if you believe that you aren’t very good at sports, how and why was that belief formed? Does this belief keep you from joining the softball team at work even though you’d welcome the social interaction?

A word about simplicity. It would be an enormous task to identify and catalog your every habit. Focus on one habit that is interfering rather than helping. Trying to change more than one habit at a time is setting yourself up for failure. Remember, it takes great effort to delete or replace a habit. Self-awareness is the first step.

Next Monday, I’ll write about changing habits.

Change. The dictionary defines change as: cause to be different, alter, transform; exchange for or be replaced by another; interchange; lay aside, abandon, leave for another, switch; to give or receive the equivalent of.

Depending upon your frame of reference, change can be a good thing or a bad thing. The above definitions may exhilarate or devastate you. The reality is, like it or not, we all experience change. It can be internally motivated — such as a desire to quit smoking — or externally motivated — you lost your job and now have to look for a new one.

Too much change can upset the apple cart so many times, you feel like you are standing on quickstand. However, undergoing change can also make you resilient to future change, whether that change is wanted or unwanted. In either case, change doesn’t always come easy.

Given a choice, most people prefer to stay in their comfort zone rather than actively choose or seek out change. It gives them a (false) sense of being in control; knowing what to expect; how to react. When asked, most will say they avoid change because of fear: fear of the unknown, fear of failure, even fear of loss of personal identity.

Rockin’ the boat. Fear of the unknown means fear of stepping out of your comfort zone into unchartered waters. Visualize a small dinghy anchored quietly in a sheltered, calm cove of a lake. You know what the boat looks like; you know how it will react to the occasional, mild wind or water disturbances; you know how it will sway when you step into it; and you know that you can deeply relax in its hull because that boat is anchored, its sail is down and it never goes anywhere. You have absolutely no idea how that boat will sail once it hits the center of the lake, and you have no intention of finding out. Your boat scenario works while it works, and it may work for a lifetime. But you will never know what that boat is capable of, or what treasures you may discover, because you are afraid of changing course and heading out to unchartered waters.

Fear of failure means fear of sailing out into the middle of the lake because you think you lack the necessary sailing skills to keep your boat afloat in the waves, big or small. You are very successful, thank you, in keeping your boat upright, steady and adrift in the waters of the shoreline. In reality, until you experience the conditions to try out and hone your deep water skills, you will most likely never keep your boat upright in anything but calm, shallow waters.

Fear of loss of personal identity means taking on or losing a role that changes others’ perceptions about you, and may even change your own sense of identity. Are you a shore-hugger or sailor? What does that mean if you decide to become a sailor? Are you going to become a devil-may-care adventurer or will you return to port after a good day on the lake?

Understanding change. For simplicity’s sake, this blog will focus on “chosen” change — in this case, your desire to delete an old habit or create a new one.

It’s helpful to start with the biological basis for change. The brain hardwires your perceptions, expectations, habits, so forth, in order for you to go about your day doing what you need to do without thinking much about it. Imagine having to think through your entire morning ritual before you leave for work, or figuring out how to ride a bike each time you decide to use it, or remembering how to dial a number on your cell phone before you call a friend.

According to research done by Ann Graybiel of McGovern Institute at MIT, a habit is a task or way of thinking that has been biologically stamped into our brain. The brain breaks a task down into its parts, which are then stored away for future reference. However, in order to perform the task these parts must be connected. To do so, the brain forms a string of neurons, or neural pathway, between them. When you repeatedly practice this task, additional neurons that are close by are also called into action and as a result the pathway enlarges. As the pathway strengthens, the “borrowed” neurons return to their original state. The more you engage in this task, it becomes ingrained to the point where you no longer have to consciously think about it in order to do it. Hence, a habit has become encoded in the cortex or hardwired in your brain.

Hardwiring explains why “practice makes perfect.” It also explains why it’s so difficult to dump a habit. There is also an emotional or behavioral aspect to change, but more on that in another blog.

Next Monday, I’ll write about identifying the not-so-obvious habits that are hurting rather than helping you.

(Information in this blog was enriched by a post “The New Science of the 21st Century Professional Coaching” from the Behavioral Coaching Institute.)

Have you ever given much thought to your habits — the thoughts and actions that form the framework of your day and the decisions for your future? The dictionary defines a “habit” as a constant, often unconscious inclination to perform some act, acquired through its frequent repetition; an established trend of mind or character; an addiction.

Habits start in your mind and get played out in your actions. They are learned ways of thinking and doing things that become automatic and reflexive — having become ingrained from years of practice — humming along in the background, like the operating system for your computer, so you do not have to consciously control every aspect of your day.

Habits are powerful, having the influence to shape your personal relationships, your work-related actions, your health. Unfortunately, some habits can spill over into areas of your life that you never intended them to enter.

Habits can be helpful. For example, we all have morning routines that jump start us emotionally, physically and mentally to prepare us for the day ahead. If during the week, you had to think of everything you did before you did it, it would take a good part of the morning just to roll out of bed, get ready, eat breakfast, head out the door and find your way to work.

Habits can also be harmful. Thoughtlessly popping another brownie into your mouth when you suffer from border-line diabetes will end up doing more long-term harm to your body than the short-term pleasure it brings.

Long-term, effective habits — those that get you what you need/want — can be a positive influence. However, if old or similar habits or patterns are no longer efficient or even harmful, you may still try to use them because they are familiar, or you are not even aware of their influence. That’s because habits actually become hard-wired in our brains, which is why it takes not only time to create a habit, but also to break or replace one.

In next Monday’s blog, I will write about understanding change.